You are Keeping Score! Whether You Like It or Not!
As a youngster, I was told, “don’t be judgmental.” The Bible verse Matthew 7:1, “Judge not, that ye be not judged,” was used as a guideline. Along with judgmental-ness, “holding a grudge” was also forbidden. “Just let it go” or “forgive and forget” were the common refrains. Phew, good thing I am neither judgmental nor a grudge holder. Wait, maybe I am; perhaps we all are.
Each day, we receive hundreds of transactions. These transactions include social media posts, road signs, music, odors from the cubicle next door, television, streaming content, conversations, etc. More subtly, transactions include the flicker of a light bulb, a sound from your car engine, or a sticky key on your keyboard. We judge these transactions all the time. Don’t believe me? What do we do when we get the TV remote?
Click . . . Judge . . . No,
Click . . . Judge . . .Next,
Click . . . Judge . . .Watch!
We have to be a little judgmental to live.
Well, what about the “holding a grudge” thing? It’s a little different. We “keep score” of these transactions in what I call “ledgers.” These ledgers work like an accounting ledger. The positives and negatives generate a ledger balance we use to process subsequent transactions. Positive balances guide us toward accepting the next transaction; negative balances guide us toward declining the next transaction. So, we hold a grudge in the form of negative balances and declined transactions. I guess, we are all “judgmental grudge holders” – bummer!
Wait! Let’s not be too hard ourselves because we also value good relationships and positive ledger balances. Knowing we have this process can help us optimize it. When evaluating an important decision, I like to say, “this is a ‘check myself, before I wreck myself” moment.” It helps me consider the ledgers for alternatives and rightsizing. This practice is still under construction for me, but I encourage you to give it a try.
Before you jump into biases or archetypes, as I call them, hold off. We will cover them in a future post. Believe it or not, biases and archetypes are not the same. These ledgers are dyadic or between two entities. In contrast, biases/archetypes are based on characteristics or attributes of a group or individual that we have deemed positive or negative and are built through what I call the “Old MacDonald method, E-I-E-I-O” of education, indoctrination, experience, introspection, and observation. As I said, stay tuned for coming posts.
Meanwhile, please take a moment to be sure your ledgers are where you want them to be. Also, evaluate this concept in your daily life and see what happens. Check back in with your thoughts.
Until next time!